AAAAAAAnd GAME! - Badger News

Thank you so much for an amazing day!

Feel free to use the menu at the top to see the reports for each site – the All tab shows all the news published throughout the day, but please be aware that we’ve had over 600 stories posted so it may take a while to look through!

Massive thank you to the Press team for putting out so much amazing content, and the players for providing so much to report on!

Mega thanks to the Control Team, who I’m sure you’ll all agree did a stunning job to keep the game running smoothly and making sure we all had fun.

And THANK YOU to Jim Wallman for conceiving this crazy idea in the first place.

Presidential Candidates Chosen - Badger News

The Republican Presidential Candidate is Governor Osa of Mishigamaa, running with Hollman as VP.

The Democratic Presidential Candidate is Governor Crow of Kanawha.

We wish them both the best of luck in the election.

Chief of State Police extorts votes! - Ahao Editor

FORTRESS CLEVELAND, AHAO:- News has come to light from the Dayton PD chief of operations, Alex Sanne, that Andrew Easton, chief of the state police of Ahao, has been holding influential citizens families hostage in order to garner votes towards his re-election. We are calling for an immediate investigation into this situation and if necessary for his election to be annulled.

Exclusive: Nutrivend statement on the cure - Mishigamaa Editor

Exclusive announcement from the CEO of Nutrivend.

“We are investigating two possible cures for the infection. Our first has proven ineffective – we tested it in a limited area in Romero City, but unfortunately effects were negative. We tested with full support of the Mayor.

“We are now working with the White House to release a healing agent which should reverse the effects of the infection. We are waiting for White House permission to test.”

Cure distribution initiated - Powhatan Reporter A

Wagon and Lexcorp have merged and Governor Jon has gotten them to start distributing the cure to civilians. Hopefully all goes well from here.

Voter suppression in Ahao - Ahao - Naomi Young

AHAO: I can confirm that no differently animated citizens have been allowed to vote in Ahao. This is blatant voter suppression. The 15th Amendment clearly states that the right to vote cannot be denied for race or color. This is also clearly discrimination against Americans with disabilities. A differently animated source in Dayton confirmed this and said it was clear discrimination against the undead.

A-Holes on Fire - Ahao Editor

DAYTON, AHAO:- The offices used by the governor and his staff in Dayton, reported to be on fire. No reports of him leaving could it be that our esteemed governor is battling through fire and flame to escape? City EMS say that what units can be spared from other more important fires shall be sent to the blaze as soon as they become avilable.

Pentagon praises Toledo - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

DAYTON, AH:  Pentagon officials have said that the performance of Toledo’s emergency services are “admirable” when compared with those in other states.

The city has suffered no casualties among emergency personnel since the crisis began, and has hospital beds currently empty. One in three police officers have been slain, however.

Breaking News: Ahao State Police recommends city wide evacuation - Ahao, Susannah

The Head and Deputy Head of State Police have stated that they are recommending a complete evacuation of all the cities in the state. They say that the remainder of the state is safe and free of infestation, and they are bringing bottled water in to stop the spread of infection. They stress they have 100% efficiency when it comes to dealing with outbreaks of the virus outside of city limits.

Badger News wonders what the Governor thinks of this plan?

BREAKING NEWS: White House and Secretary of Defense Illegally Ordered Arrest of Mishigamaa Governor - National Reporter B

As previously reported, national media has learned of allegations that the DHS and the Pentagon told the Mishigamaa National Guard to arrest the Governor of Mishigamaa.

Since then, we have learned of far more disturbing developments.

In particular, the White House and the Secretary of Defense gave written orders for the Pentagon to coordinate with the Mishigamaa National Guard to illegally act in Mishigamaa.

According to our sources, it was the Pentagon (and not the Mishigamaa National Guard) that determined that such actions were illegal.

Given that there is written proof that the President gave authority for the Pentagon to act in Mishigamaa, it is now only a question of when (rather than if) the President and her Secretary of Defense are arrested and charge with high crimes and misdemeanours.

Voters go to polls across Ahao. - Ahao Editor

FORTRESS CLEVELAND, AHAO:- With the Zombie menace still threatening the state, voters have gone to the polls in city and statewide elections. The early indications in the Gubernatorial race show the current Mayor of Cleveland, Lucinda Quinn is likely to be our next governor.

Ad: Kleveland Kremes – - Ahao - Naomi Young

Donut worry, sugary treats are the yeast of your problems now

Editor in Chief Runs for President! - Kanawha Editor

I, the Editor in Chief of the Kanawha Newspaper am running for President of the United States of America! I have been dutifully representing the voice of the people during this pressing weekend, and I have been the only voice of reason amidst all of this chaos. I hope you will consider giving me your support.

A-Whole: We’re both a-holes, get your facts right! - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

Governor Hollman would like to clarify, contrary to earlier reports, that he and Governor Osa do not, in fact, cross party lines – they are both dyed-in-the-wool Republicans

Zombie cure? - National Editor

Nutrivend claims to have discovered a cure and will be testing it shortly in the city of Marquette; results to be announced shortly.

DHS and Pentagon Illegally Ordered Arrest of Mishigamaa Governor - National Reporter B

The national media has learned that the DHS and the Pentagon previously told the National Guard of Mishigamaa to arrest the Governor of Misghigamaa. DHS and the Pentagon attempted to convince the National Guard that the Governor was unstable and not fit to govern.

The National Guard subsequently determined that such orders were both illegal and immoral. They consequently refused to comply with such order.

It is unclear at this time whether the order was due to the fact that the Mishigamaa Governor is currently running for president and does not appear to be favored by the White House.

This leads to the question of whether the White House has taken advantage of the crisis to further its own political agenda over the well being of American citizens.

Big Pharma, Big Prices – A cure – but at what cost? - Ahao - Naomi Young

The white-house liaison has confirmed that corporations in other states have been asking for zombie samples, but that they are offering nothing in return. She stated her worries about the price of any cure, that it may be vastly inflated. She also confirmed there was no governmental research going on, that the only research was the pharma corporations, so it seems that people will literally have no choice but to pay whatever the companies are asking for.

Correction to Presidential nominees - National Editor

Governor Hollman is the VP nominee and Governor Osa is the Presidential candidate

Rob Returns to Reinforce - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

FORTRESS CLEVELAND, AH:  Chief of Police Rob Pate made a triumphant return to the city today, delivering a helicopter to airlift injured citizens to the city’s hospital.

Reports that the helicopter had Cleveland EMS livery despite coming in from Fresno were dismissed by the Head of Police Operations

Fresnadillo Mayor rescinds help to Cleveland - Ahao Editor

FORTRESS CLEVELAND, AHAO:- Reports are coming in that in a blatently partisan move the Democratic Mayor of Fresnadillo has pulled out all of the forces helping battle the hordes in Republican controlled Cleveland. Sources in the mayorial office say this is to save face within the Democratic party.

This is in spite of the fact that Federal troops have arrived in Fresnadillo to help fight the horde there and slow progress is being made against the attack from the north.

Whatcha gonna do when they come for you? - National Reporter A

It has emerged that the big four pharmas are hoping to put their heads and resources together to develop a single cure for the ongoing phenomenon.

Bay City has now also appealed to the White House for help to bomb the city in light of the ombie overrun.

However, neither the pharmas nor Bay City have heard any responses from the White House.

Perhaps everyone at the White House have now taken to relaxing at the golf course whilst planning for the 4th July celebrations?

Cleveland call for State-wide Cure Cooperation - Ahao - Naomi Young

The Mayor of Cleveland has issued a statement that they have found a a pathogen in a dead zombie “Pittorovirus Sibericum B Sample” and are calling for state-wide cooperation in order to move forward and find a cure, especially in light of the news about Big Pharma not sharing any cure expect at vastly inflated prices.

It seems like Ahao is on its own as Dayton quoted the White-House Liaison as saying “We do not want to help”.

In Its Hour of Panic White House Hides from Press and Public - National Reporter B

In the midst of an ongoing crisis where transparent leadership from the White House is more important than ever, the President and her support staff have become increasingly paranoid about the role of the press. On numerous occasions when asked for comment on various aspects of the situation, the President has stated either, “No comment” or “We are dealing with it” with no further explanation.

The unwillingness of this administration to inform the public what is being done to stem the tide of bloodshed and chaos is a cause for grave concern.  This great country has always depended in significant part on the role of a free press to inform the public and keep tyranny in check. This is the why our Founding Fathers enshrined the rights of a free press in the First Amendment. For as long as the White House continues to refuse to provide substantive comment and input to the press, it is clear that the administration values its political reputation more than the most important values of our nation.


Image result for 1st amendment

Republican contender - National Editor

News just in that the Mayor of Marquette is in the race as the Republican candidate for the Presidential election

Presidential hopefuls - National Editor

It has just been announced that Governor Hollman has added Governor Osa as Vice President on his ticket for the Presidential race

A-Whole Backs An Osa - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

Governor Hollman today announced that he has crossed party lines to stand with Governor Osa as Veep in her bid to become the Democratic nominee for President.


Police Chief Nominations - Ahao, Susannah

Below is a list of candidates for the upcoming Election for Police Chief.

  • Alex from Dayton. Nominated by Dayton City Mayor
  • Andrew Easten, current Chief of State Police. Nominated by Deputy Chief of State Police

Governor Nominations - Ahao, Susannah

Below is a list of candidates for the upcoming Election for State Govenor.

  • Lucy from Cleveland. Republican. Nominated by Holly and Josh
  • Georgia from Fresnadillo.  Democrat. Nominated by Andy and Daniel
  • Holly from Dayton. Democrat. Nominated by Alex and Chris
  • Alasdair, Lieutenant Governor. Republican. Nominated by James and Peter
  • Kype from Cincinatti. Republican. Nominated by Dan and Seumas

Safe zone in Fresnadillo under threat - Ahao - Naomi Young

FRESNADILLO, AHAO: The safe zone in Fresnadillo is under threat as much needed supplies are stuck in zombie-infested Cleveland. The mayor said that without this support it would be ‘unlikely’ that the safe zone would be constructed in time, as the police were severely stretched and would not be able to patrol the wall. They have decline an offer of an Air-strike from the Pentagon as they do not want to risk human life.

Badger news office in Romero overrun - National Editor

News just in that our offices in Romero have been overrun by the ‘Alternatively Animated’, and we hope again that our brave colleagues have been safely by the security forces.

Weygand and LexCorp to merge - Mishigamaa Editor

Weygand and LexCorp to merge, says Bay City official, after talks managed by the Mishigamaa State Governor.

More to follow…

Homeland Security: We Have a Cure – Distribution by either Aerosol or Dart - National Reporter B

Homeland Security has informed national media that they have developed a cure and have developed two delivery methods: aerosol and darts. They are currently in the process of determining which method to use. While the national media welcomes this news, it is intriguing that numerous state and local governments appear to have developed a cure before the federal government. Perhaps the federal government’s prior preoccupation with nuclear weaponry, which has been confirmed through confidential sources despite protestations to the contrary from the White House, was the cause of the federal government’s lackadaisical behavior.

Badger News Site Hits New Record - Badger News

Whether it’s election fever or the zombie virus, this weekend has seen the most activity since the site was originally launched – over 500 articles published since Friday evening!

The most prolific news team seems to be the Ahao office, with over 80 stories published in the past few days alone. Special commendation to the Mishigamaa Editor, who has been nominated for a Badger of Honour after publishing 41 articles from his desk alone.


The Mayor of Fresnadillo has decided to launch an investigation into the State Governor, supported by heads of Cincinatti. This is due to widespread rumours of corruption, and the previously reported rumoured assassination plot.

Romero, Romero – Wherefore Art Though, Romero? - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

ROMERO CITY, MI: Officials complain that current governor is in talks with corporations, and refusing to discuss the crisis with mayors. “Just because I declare myself the queen doesn’t mean it’s going to happen”, she said, referring to the Romero City Mayor’s statement declaring himself Interim Governor.

Mishigamaa state officials declare they have put out an arrest warrant for Romero City’s Mayor in response.

Let us hope that this disruption does not lead to increased spill-over from our neighbours.

Breaking news: Cure ready for delivery - Susquehannock Reporter D

The governors of Susquehannock and Adirondack and the mayors of Wabash have managed to bring the cure of Lexcorp together with the delivery system of the National Guard. As soon as these parties have physically met, the delivery of the cure will start.

State Fortress in Findlay - Ahao - Naomi Young

FINDLAY, AHAO: We have been told of a ‘ring of steel’ being erected around Findlay, large numbers of police and a helicopter have been sighted inside the compound, and we have good evidence that they have been evacuating families of state officials into the compound.

We have also received information that the State police are investigating the Mayor of Fresnadillo, is this evidence an issue with her or just further evidence of state resources being used by the governor for his own purposes.

Donut Factory Saved - Ahao Editor

FORTRESS CLEVELAND. AHAO:- The long running battle over the Cleveland city donut factory has finally ended, the so called “invincible” horde has been defeated by a combination of Ahao National Guard, US Army and state police forces. The addition of artillery has final brought the battle to an end. A spokesman for the Cleveland City mayor has stated they hope to have the factory up and running as soon as possible.

In other news the BNC offices in Cleveland seem to attracted a group of zombies, we continue to report for as long as we can and can only put our faith in the heroic defenders of the city to come to our rescue.

Badger news office in Marquette overrun - National Editor

News just in that our offices in Marquette have been overrun by the ‘Alternatively Animated’.

Our thought and prayers go out to our brave colleagues and hope that the security forces are able to protect them from harm.


White House: 4th of July Party Still Planned Despite Mass Casualties and Panic - National Reporter B

Despite massive casualties across the country, numerous states of emergency declared, bombing of American cities by US federal forces, and unprecedented panic, the White House continues to plan to go forward with its 4th of July picnic. It is unclear if the White House will learn that the lives of its citizens takes precedence over hot dogs and burgers.

State Governor Denies Cinncinatti Conspiracy - Ahao, Susannah

Ahao State Governor, Mickey Hollman, has stated he has nothing to do with the previously reported on plot to assassinate the Mayor of Cincinatti, saying there is no-one in his office with the name of the person the leak supposedly came from. He stresses he is utterly against this kind of thing.

Badger News will keep digging.

Mass panic across Mishigamaa - Mishigamaa Editor

Following the mayoral confrontation with the state governor, there are reports of mass panic and riots across the entire state, with some reports claiming that the National Guard are beginning to desert their units to return home to protect their families.

The governor stonewalled the mayors’ demands and has refused to step down or declare a State of Emergency.

City Updates:
– Romero: Still defended, but situation is deteriorating. May re-instate emergency declaration. Rebuilding field hospitals and fortified base of operations with LexCorp. Mayor now declared “Interim State Governor”, and will attempt to run defence of state from there.
– Spearing: Police Chief captured by Free Militia. Militia demands federal response to save city and admit responsibility, or will execuse him. Deputy Mayor Hunt is running for Mayor, and declares Spearing one of the last safe bastions against the outbreak.
– Grand Rapids: Mass panic, Nutrivend CEO staying in secure facility to work on cure. Chief of Police has been infected. Mayor intends to force governor to declare State of Emergency.
– Bay City: Quarantined and overrun. Federal drones bombing infrastructure to strong infestation spreading. City of Police condemns Mayor for failing to coordinate City Evacuation, instead working for political gain. Police Chief declares intent to run for Mayor.
– Marquette: Fully infested by the outbreak. No news on additional funding bid.

Nutrivend Sends Dangerous Research Specimens to Shawnee News Office - National Editor

In an act of incredible ineptitude, Nutrivend has sent dangerous research specimens to the Shawnee News Office, unnecessarily endangering the lives of our colleagues and setting back future research efforts.


Widespread chaos and panic has reportedly taken hold across the states of Adirondack and Mishigamaa, according to Badger sources on the ground.

And they said moving to Adaho was a mistake!

Where’s FEMA - Powhatan Editor

The National guard was never meant to be an army yet they have to like one why? FEMA or the federal have been called by the state of powhatan though they have not come. There has to be some blockage on the federal level for why this is happening. Most likely someone maybe in the pentagon or the white house has partnered with the corporations so they can get something out of it

Creep of Police - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

FRESNADILLO, AH: Recently-reinstated Fresno Chief of Police Tomlinson refused to provide any explanation today for his indictment, citing concerns around “national security”.

An anonymous tip from within the Police Department alleged that the accusations (now retracted by the officers involved) were part of an attempted coup against the Chief by two of his captains. However, municipal and federal sources believe that questions may remain to be answered around the Chief’s links to Necrotech.

Mayor Georgia has made a firm commitment to get to the bottom of the matter.

Bombs fall in London - Northland Editor

London Ontario has taken drastic measures against the undead menace.  An airstrike demolishes areas next to Lake Erie, taking out zombies and abandoned homes alike.

“This is our second airstrike,” the mayor said smugly.  “Our FIRE trucks have also proven quite effective.  I’m sure there were no civilians in the area.”  The mayor was wearing a horrific zombie skull as a helmet at the time of the statement, appearing totally unafraid of infection.

The mayor of London showing off their new weapon.


Governor Jon Drops Out - Powhatan Editor

Governor Jon has decided to drop out of the race for president and endorse Mayor Mike who has officially started running for president also has the full support of both the Republican Charlottes Ville and the Democratic Roanoke. Governor Jon is now running to be reelected as Governor, with Mikes support. Mike believes that one of the reasons the Governor is so disliked is that he was dealt a bad hand he did his best and pulled through everything and our city was bettered by his support.

Big four pharmas fighting over a cure - National Reporter A

Whilst Nutrivend had been singled out as the exclusive partner of the White House earlier, it now appears that the big four pharmas – Weygand, Necrotech, Lexcorp and Nutrivend are now going head to head against each other to be the first to identify the cause and cure for the zombification phenomenon.

However, it would seem that Nutrivend is still at the head of the pack, having claimed to have sent their first shipment of NutriSpeed to the Grand Rapids Police which had “give(sic) them an edge in controlling the outbreaks in the city”.

Necrotech is currently appealing for additional resources to fund its ongoing research and development, and the other two pharmas have not replied to our requests for an interview by press time.

One would wonder how Nutrivend had such stores of resources and why it has such strong vested interests in this matter.


Wabash in Disarray – Badger News Team Forced to Flee - National Editor

Due to a complete breakdown in the situation in Wabash, national media has learned that the Wabash branch of Badger News is being forced to flee. Any efforts that can be made by local, state, or federal authorities to assist our colleagues in this harrowing hour would be greatly appreciated.


To our colleagues on the ground in Wabash: Good luck and God bless.

A-Hole Drops Out - Ahao Editor

FORTRESS CLEVELAND, AHAO:- News coming in the Governor of Ahao, Mickey Hollman has declared that he is no longer seeking election to political office. The Governor who has been mired in allegations of corruption, including allegations of an attempted coup against the mayor of Cincinatti. He has been roundly criticised for his continuing mismanagement of the zombie crisis. It is the opinion of this paper that he is not fit to be a hall monitor never mind president of this great nation.

Joint statement from Mishigamaa - Mishigamaa Editor

“We are calling out the Governor to resign immediately, due to her poor decision making and failure to bring in the National Guard to save the people.”

They demand that she either call a State of Emergency instantly, or stand down to make way for someone who will.

They propose the Mayor of Romero City to stand to take the Governorship.

Is this a Democrat plot to take over State government? Or a simple cross-party consensus to deal with a major crisis?

The Governor responded to this with “No comment.”

A meeting is currently underway between the governor and the city mayors. The Bay City mayor is confronting her angrily. More on this story to follow.

White House: Nuclear Breach is in Northland, not Mishigamaa - National Reporter B

The White House has stated that the previously reported nuclear breach in Mishigamaa is actually located across the border in Northland. While discussions are apparently underway between the White House and the Northland Prime Minister, the White House is unwilling to share any details with a concerned public.

BREAKING: Mishigamaa City Mayors to overthrow State Governor - Mishigamaa Editor

The Bay City Mayor is reportedly leading a coup organised among the mayors of the major cities in Mishigamaa to overthrow the State Governor, citing complaints over the Governor’s response dealing with this current crisis.

Georgia For Ahao? - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

Fresnadillo’s Mayor Georgia today announced her candidacy for the position of State Governor. The Democratic darling is running on a platform of “Security, services, support.” A spokesman said “we care about you“.

No progress towards a cure in Ahao - Ahao - Naomi Young

Rumors are rife in Toledo that Dayton have developed a cure and are not sharing it. Dayton strongly deny this, they are doing everything they can to assist in research towards a cure, however research is ongoing and the mayor guaranteed that any cure would be shared state-wide and wanted to re-iterate as the only city not yet to declare a state of emergency, that they are the safest place in the state, especially considering they have introduced an additive to the water to combat the disease.

The chief of emergency services of Fresnadillo stated that “There is no progress as the university is full of thick people”

Cleveland stated that there is “good evidence” that the Cleveland Creme Donut makes a difference in prevention, meanwhile Cincinatti have passed on all information regarding the disease.

The statement from Homeland Security was less hopeful for the great state of Ahao, as they stated all cure research was being done by Corporations, of which, Ahao have none.

Breaking News: Necrotech May Have Cure in Ouisconsin - National Reporter B

National media has learned of reports that Necrotech may have developed a cure in Ouisconsin. Further reports as the situation develops.

The cure is here! - Susquehannock Reporter D

Luke Doodeman (Emergency Services Chief of Yorborough) and Bram Hesselink (Deputy Emergency Services Chief of Yorborough) are leading research on a cure to the zombie infection, together with the cities of Erie, Allentown, Yarborough and pharmaceutical company LexCorp. State police has been helping with a financial injection and by introducing LexCorp to the research. LexCorp has commited to produce the vaccin at a reduced cost. The researchers are stressing that it is their intent that the cure cannot be used as a weapon, but only as a cure; “This needs to stop!”.
A Cure has now been found, but is still in need of a delivery system. LexCorp is currently working on this delivery system.

Feds bomb Bay City - Mishigamaa Editor

Reports have come in, confirmed by City Hall, that the federal government have started using drones to bomb key infrastructure such as bridges in Bay City, to try and stall the “Alternatively Animated” threat.

A source in City Hall claims the authorities have abandoned the city and refuse to deal with the direct threat to the populace. Our source believes that the Governor is completely wrong to have not issued a State of Emergency.


Badger News have discovered huge corruption in state government. We can reveal that the State Governor has tried to have the City Mayor of Cincinatti assassinated by attempting the enlist the support of the Chief of Police, who bravely reported this to Badger. Cincinatti Heads have complained that they have been abandoned by the State, despite the bravery of the police. These shady dealings must be stopped!

Above- secret messages from the lietenant governor to the cincinatti chief of police

WARNING: Possible Nuclear breach at Bruce Power Station - Mishigamaa Editor

Reports have come in about a potential leak in the Bruce nuclear power station on the shores of Lake Huron.

The populations of Bay City, West Branch, and Gaylord have been warned, and are recommended to evacuate and move to Romero City if at all possible.

Statement from Governors office on Theocracy - Ahao Editor

FORTRESS CLEVELAND, AHAO:- Governor Hollman has issued this statement,

“The “church” of the rigtheous is a cult instigated by the Mayor of Cincinati to dupe the peeople of Cincinati into following false prophets and cover up the Cities Mayors incompetence and baltant disregard for the Lives of Ahao citizens.”

we are now forced to wonder if the spelling errors are indicative of neurological degeneration perhaps due to Z virus infection.

Nutrivend juice the cause behind zombification? - National Reporter A

Sources have informed this paper that Nutrivend juices are the cause behind the recent spate of zombification.

There’s nothing to lose by not drinking it, so please don’t.


White House Rumors of Unapproved Weapons Testing on Civilians - National Reporter B

According to sources in the Federal Government, the White House has learned of reports of unapproved weapons testing on American civilians. We will update with further information if and when the White House cares to take action on these disturbing developments.

Mass Panic in Grand Rapids - Mishigamaa Editor

Reports of Mass Panic in Grand Rapids, with riots and people fleeing the city. This has been confirmed by the City Mayor, who made a statement to the press, urging citizens to stay calm and evacuate to City Hall which is still protected.

Nutrivend still working on a cure in their secure facility, supported by the City Mayor providing funding and manpower. The Mayor says there is no evidence that Nutrivend are responsible for the outbreak.

President re Northland’s Offer of Military Assistance: “No Comment” - National Reporter B

When asked about the offer of military assistance from the Prime Minister of Northland, the President replied, “No comment.” In the face of an unprecedented crisis, it is highly concerning that the President appears to be unwilling to take decisive action as needed.

White House State Liaison to meet with Terrorists - Mishigamaa Editor

White House State Liason to meet with militia groups to discuss possible locations and instigators of the outbreak – such groups have been accusing the federal government of collaboration.

Rumours are circulating that the militia groups may try to kidnap the Liason officer.

“Let us help” – Northland PM - Northland Editor

Northland troops are gathered on the border to Adirondack, prepared to help with the zombie crisis.  “We are waiting to hear back from the White House before sending in troops” says the Prime Minister.

When asked about the problems within Northland, including a shootout on the tarmac of the Toronto airport with armed, desperate refugees, the PM responded “we have everything under control here.  We’re trying to help people who need it more.”

Mayor of Cleveland’s family kidnapped - Ahao Editor

FORTRESS CLEVELAND, AHAO:- A source close to the Mayor of Cleveland, Lucinda Quinn, has reported that her family has been kidnapped and held against their will by forces loyal to the City’s Chief of Police, Rob Pate, and the Deputy head of the Ahao State Troopers, Drew Gotobed. This is surmised to be in an effort to increase the power of the Chief of Police over the city and to use this crisis to undermine and ultimately destroy democracy.

Fresnadill-uh-oh - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

We at Badger HQ hear rumours that the Mayor of our state capital is working with Necrotech “against the state”. Keep your minds open, people – who knows whether the state or the Big Pharma guys have our best interests at heart?

Secretary of State: “We are waiting passively for things to happen.” - National Reporter B

National media has learned from well placed sources in the federal government that the Secretary of State and the Secretary of the DHS are currently engaged in infighting rather than taking productive action to counter the ongoing crisis. While the Secretary of DHS has pushed for increased action, the Secretary of State opined that their hands are tied while they wait to hear from forces on the ground. According to our source, the Secretary of State then stated, “We are waiting passively for things to happen.”

In the face of overwhelming casualties, this publication is concerned just how many more “things” need to happen before the Secretary of State takes action.

VP and Joint Chiefs Rule Out Nuclear Option - National Reporter B

Despite rumors of tactical nuclear weapons being taken out of storage by the President, the Vice President and the Joint Chiefs have ruled out the use of nuclear weapons on the American population. The Vice President emphatically stated that they were focused on looking for a cure for the current outbreak of infected (that are definitely not “zombies”) and that the White House would not take nuclear action.

Situation escalating in Dayton? - Ahao - Naomi Young

DAYTON, AHAO: Widespread reports of looting in Dayton are being met in with a statement that it is not necessary. Bottled water is being distributed at fortified buildings.

The white house have threatened to commit an unauthorized action into the city. Dayton have not declared a stated of emergency and so any such action would be attack on the Third Amendment.

However, the mayor has been involved with capture of a zombie citizen, which is a clear violation of the the Sixth and Seventh amendments, and they are boasting about experimentation on this “level 2”.

Dayton are issuing press releases stating they are the safest place in Ahao, but be very careful, if you are sick, Dayton is not a place you will be treated fairly.

Special Forces deployed to Cleveland - Ahao Editor

FORTRESS CLEVELAND, AHAO:- We have eye witness reports of special forces units in UH60 Blackhawk helecopters have been deployed to eastern Cleveland to tackle Zombies behind the police cordon. Fighting can be heard across the city amid the heroic struggle of the defenders against the animated corpses of their former family, friends and neighbours.

A-Whole A-Theist - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

According to a source from the Church of the Righteous in Cincinnatti, Governor Hollman has refused to join the Chief theologist in prayer for the beleaguered citizens of Cincinnatti and Cleveland

Homeland Security Press Release - National Editor

Official statement from Homeland Security states that they are:

  • continuing to work closely with companies and universities to develop cure
  • work is progressing quickly towards this aim but we urge citizens to remain calm
  • continuing to follow all leads to investigate the source of the outbreak

When questioned about this further, the Press Liaison Officer was not at liberty to say why the Federal line has not changed since the initial outbreak. Surely some more concrete action needs to be taken to help our country, which is being ravaged by an infectious zombie outbreak that seems to be out of control.

But as Homeland Security says… “don’t panic”

Fresnadillo Chief of Police Indicted - Ahao, Susannah

The Fresnadillo Chief of Police has been indicted due to an obstruction of a Federal investigation. Federal authorities took this action as a result of an investigation at Necrotech into irregular funding. Any rumours including the mayor’s involvement must be disregarded as ficticious at this stage.

State Chief of Police Andy Eastern wishes to reassure the population that the investigation will proceed quickly and results will be reported via the press office as soon as they become avaliable. As the investigations are ongoing, the Police Captain, Andy Covell will assume control.

FEMA Finds Majority of Corporations Uncooperative in Face of Crisis - National Reporter B

FEMA has informed the national media that they are working closely with Nutrivend on treatment of the infection, but has found most other corporations to be unresponsive and unhelpful.


Notably, the national media has heard reports that Nutrivend of Mishigamaa has  been stealing corpses from hospitals without the permissions of the families of the deceased, which raises questions about the moral standards of FEMA.

Many A Cross Word Is Taken In Stress - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

Looking for a distraction from the chaos?

Want something suitable for a fortified bunker?

Why not give the Badger Crypt-ic Crossword a spin?

It’s available online: and to download as a PDF:

Statement from Sec of Def re Military Aid - National Reporter B

The Secretary of Defense informed national media that the following states and territories have requested and received military aid:

  • Illiniwek
  • Wabash
  • Susquehannock
  • Adirondack
  • Ahao
  • District of Columbia.

With regards to the situation of Boyle City, Wabash, the Secretary stated that Boyle City has been evacuated by the governor. With regards to political developments involving the governor, the federal governmental stands at the ready to help and has full confidence in the (Republican) governor of Wabash.

Romero City – A tale of two political parties - National Reporter A

The citizens of Romero City will be given VR headsets in what seems to be a bid to blind them to zombie attacks and questionable political campaigns.

Along with the announcement of free VR headsets, the Republican state governor, Maria Osa, has announced her candidacy for President.  In an interesting twist of political fate, her candidacy is supported by Pollyana, the Democratic Romerean city mayor.  This would be America’s first cross-party liaison for Presidency.

When questioned if this was the right time for the State to be spending funding on VR headsets, the representatives from Romero City remained adamant that this was the right thing to do, as the VR headsets seek to ‘educate the public’ about calm in the current state of turmoil.

The result of the liaison between Democrats and Republicans remain to be seen, as that between VR headsets and zombie attacks.



BREAKING: Weygand and Government accused of creating outbreak - Mishigamaa Editor

The Free Militia have captured Waygand Corp HQ. On interrogating their records they have found evidence that their lab in Bay City was the originator of the outbreak and that they had been working with the Federal Government.

This links in with previous reports that a LexCorp facility in Bay City could be the source, which was being investigated by local police forces, and observations that the State Government abandoned Bay City to the hordes very early on, rumoured to be a coverup for their corporate dealings.

The Governor denies this, and claims that National Guard deployment were unable to get into the city to assist. As a result, they had to quarantine the city.

More on this story as it develops.

“Don’t drink the water” Ahao State Governor warns - Ahao, Susannah

The Ahao State Governor has cautioned all citizens that the zombie virus is spread by water, and has issued a warning that only bottled water is safe. He has promised a shipment of bottled water to the state.

Fresnadillo Mayor doing human experiments on infected? - Ahao - Naomi Young

FRESNADILLO, AHAO: The mayor of Fresnadillo has advised they are accepting ‘selected’ infected from other cities. The mayor reported that “Research is going well at the university”, but declared a state of emergency in order to get federal support in creating a safe zone.

Ground Zero closer to discovery - National Editor

An unnamed but impeccable source has told us that Nutrivend caused the virus outbreak.

Apparently they’ve been stealing corpses for study for a while now, and their blundering experiments unleashed the virus.

Our reporters will be following up on this to find out what else the company has been doing, since it moved its headquarters to Missigama.

I’m sure the Mayor of Misquitte isn’t quite so happy to have asked to be quoted as saying that Nutrivend would bring a huge amount of benefit to the local community in the form of job creation when Nutrivend first opened its new headquarters less than a week ago.


Situation Update Cleveland - Ahao Editor

CLEVELAND, AHAO:- The Mayor of Cleveland has issued a statement today regarding the attack upon the city. The Hordes are contained within the eastern half of the city and police forces have instituted a cordon to contain the shambling undead, this along with USAF airstrikes have blunted the advance. Mercy hospital, despite being in the west of the city, remains a lone outpost surrounded by the cities former residents. We continue to report from our offices here and shall do so for as long as possible.

Mishigamaa State Update - Mishigamaa Editor

State Governor says that declaring a state wide emergency was the right decision allowing her to keep control of the resources and co-ordinate Cities. Governor allocating all resources possible to aid Cities. No intention to declare State Wide emergency in future.

Romero City expected to raise state of emergency shortly. Mayor wishes to offer assistance to more of the state, while the State Government praises them as a model of how to react under a crisis.

Bay City however, is to be placed under State Lockdown, evacuated and abandoned. Press announcement from State officials to be expected shortly. A anonymous source from within the police department blames this on the Chief of Police failing to negotiate adequate resources and failing to make use of state supplies, while the State Governor promised assistance from the National Guard which never materialised. My source believes that the city was abandoned by the state right from the state of the issue. Was this a ploy to prevent full investigation of the LexCorp facility?

Marquette is not doing too badly, but has major divisions among its officials. The Police and other Emergency services are no longer cooperating in tackling issues, while the Mayor is reported to be campaigning instead of coordinating the defence efforts. She reportedly abandoned

Grand Rapids is now the last of the five major cities to declare a state of emergency. The Mayor would like to issue a bit shoutout to the efforts of all its emergency services. Angry mobs have formed at the hospital and Nutrivend HQ. Bereaved familes have had the corpses of their loved ones removed from the morque, and suspect Nutrivend of turning them into more Alternatively Animated.

As far as Spearing goes, the State Governor would like to praise the City Officials and Police Force for saving her mansion and family, but they do not deny reports that the majority of civilian protection has been outsourced to militia armed by the state.


Dayton Fire Department Saving The Day - Ahao, Susannah

Dayton Fire Department have been working double shifts to support their neighbours in Fresnadillo. These heroes must be recognised!

Toledo situation “comparatively normal” - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

Toledo Mayor Rob has praised the efforts of the local PD in keeping a lid on the outbreaks, announcing additional funding “to further reassure the people of Toledo”

Fresnadillo “Armadillo” Safe Zone Under Construction - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

Local government in Fresnadillo has contained infection to the west side of the city. Drawing inspiration from the city’s mascot Arnie the Armadillo, plans are underway to use municipal and federal funding to construct a sealed safe zone in the city. Exactly how the construction of this wall will be paid for remains to be seen.

Meanwhile, research into the causes of the infection continue at the city’s university within the prospective zone, which is being fortified by local police.

Ahao State Police “Heroes” - Ahao, Susannah

Ahao State Police have been describes as “heroes” due to their diligent protection of small towns in the area. The boys in blue have been performing admirably during these trying times.

State of Ahao vastly unprepared for scale of disaster - Ahao - Naomi Young

After declaring a statewide emergency, and asking for citizens guns and ammo, they have issued a statement saying

“I wholeheartedly affirm my support for our citizens’ second amendment rights. It should be a source of pride that armed citizens are able to support police in this way, and I would encourage our brave, responsible armed citizens to help defend the most vulnerable in our communities.” – Deputy Governor Rutherford

We have not heard directly from the governor in some time and the state police have just tried to bribe Badger to give them positive press.

Meanwhile, we have mobile phone footage of the Air force sending in F16s and bombing both Cleveland and Cincinatti.

Nuclear leak! - Northland Editor

Reported leak at Bruce nuclear plant on the shores of Lake Huron.  “We are responding to the situation as quickly as possible, further updates to come,” the PM quickly responded.

On a clear day, the power plant can be seen from the shores of Mishigamaa.

Mass Panic in Cleveland - Ahao Editor

CLEVELAND, AHAO:- Reports are coming in of mass panic in Cleveland as waves of zombies have overrun much of the east of the city. Civilian casualties are likely and heavy losses are reported amongst the cities defenders as both CPD and Ahao State troopers have taken casualties. The BNC offices are in the west of the city and we shall continue reporting here for as long as we can.

Nutrivend to work exclusively with the Government - National Reporter A

In a press release by the Department of Homeland Security, Nutrivend has been singled out as the exclusive vendor for dealing with the latest spate of ‘infectious diseases’.  All specimens will be sent to Nutrivend for analysis and the pharmaceutical giant will be tasked with developing the cure for the outbreaks.

It is unclear how much money is at stake in this high-profile contract at this point.


Rutherford Losing Grip - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

Deputy Governor Rutherford called on citizens to “help defend the most vulnerable in our communities” today, indicating that the state’s official efforts are insufficient to do the job?

The Well Ordered – responsible for global ransomware attack? - Mishigamaa Editor

Our sources have corroborated evidence to identify our former anonymous source claiming credit for the global ransomware attack as a member of “The Well Ordered”, a suspected terrorist group which Nutrivend accuse of trying to source biological weapons.

A kill switch has apparently been found for the ransomware virus, which is no longer spreading through global banking systems. However, The Well Ordered have not come to an agreement with the US Government, and intend to continue their attacks to prove UN involvement in the Blight outbreak.

Pentagon unresponsive to pleas from Wabash national guard and liason – Wabash Governor Incommunicado - National Editor

National media has learned that the Wabash national guard and the local liason from the pentagon have repeatedly emailed the Pentagon asking for assistance. Unfortunately, despite the terrifying and deadly crisis, the Pentagon has not responded to the pleas for help. The horrifying situation is compounded by the Wabash Governor’s failure to communicate with the White House.

“Holy War” in Cincinatti- Theocracy Rules - Ahao, Susannah

The “City of Cin” has declared a Holy War against the zombies, and citizens are marshalling at churches.

Prayers are being broadcast on the radio, and a “Chief Theologist for the Righteous”.

The Chief Theologist states that he is “praying for the righteous” and that he knows that God is faithful to his promises. He is praying for blessing.



Oisconsin, Science- Necrotech close to cure - Ouisconsin Reporter C

Necrotech have been tirelessly working towards a cure for the undead and their scientists claim they are “on the verge of a breakthrough. We have almost finished work on early morphology but need more samples.” They have also confirmed that the undead can be revived.

Joe Lunnon

What’s In Those Packages? - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

As Governor A-Whole announces distribution of “assistance” to cities in the state, it’s hard not to wonder exactly what those packages really contain. Keep safe, citizens.

Zombies spread to Minnesota and Iowa - Ouisconsin Editor-In-Chief

Reports of the Zed problem becoming under control in question as confirmation comes in of Zombies spreading to Minnesota and Iowa.

Breaking: Northland Army on its way to Adirondack - Adirondack Editor

An anonymous source in the White House has reported that the Northland Army is on its way to Adirondack to help the state fight off the infestation. They are to join State Police and National Guard in the fight against the Ombies.



A-Whole demands closure of “secret” lab in Mishigamaa - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

Is Governor Hollman worried that research being undertaken in Mishigamaa could lead to a cure for the infection too soon, impacting his true plans to take advantage of the situation?

Deputy Governor Rutherford released a statement today which can be read to back up the theory, suggesting that the plot may involve more than just our “fine” Governor: “Under our strong leadership this sort of dangerous experimentation would not be permitted.”

Update on Cities- Ahao - Ahao, Susannah


  • Lowest panic in all cities
  • No state of emergency declared
  • Several fires
  • Widespread infection
  • Casualties reported
  • Chief of police wounded


  • State of emergency not declared
  • Not supporting neighbours
  • Live specimen caught
  • Casualties reported


  • State of emergency declared
  • Badger News HQ Abandon
  • Widespread panic
  • Multiple fires
  • “Lost control”
  • “Plenty” of casualties


  • State of emergency not declared- “boys in blue left to fight alone”
  • West of city safe
  • Accepting refugees from neighbours
  • Fires and Looting
  • Hospitals fine


  • State of emergency declared
  • No fires
  • Widespread infection
  • 3 casualties
  • Cure being researched


BREAKING: Attack on Second Amendment Rights in Findlay - Ahao - Naomi Young

FINDLAY, AHAO: We have multiple reports of state police knocking on doors asking if anyone has any guns and that the state governor has requested local citizens donate ammo to police. This is a blatant attack on second amendment rights.

We have been told that in Cleveland the police are using helicopters to shoot down hordes.

For The Whole Of America… except Cincinnatti? - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

Do Governor Hollman’s actions during the crisis indicate a lack of concern for Ahao’s second city?

By hesitating to act decisively in declaring a state-wide State of Emergency, has Governor Hollman endangered the lives of citizens? Or worse?

A senior source within Cincinnatti PD believes that the lack of state and national resources deployed in the city is part of a deliberate plan involving the Governor to harm Mayor Raymond, Hollman’s main political opponent in Ahao.

As I write this, news reaches me that the governor’s office is instructing citizens to drink only bottled water supplied by the National Guard. Does this, perhaps, form part of a sinister plot to influence the citizens of this fine state – this fine country – by nefarious means?  Couple this with the seizing of ammunition and erosion of Second Amendment rights and the picture of opportunism and power grabs by the elected officials in whom we have placed our trust becomes extremely compelling.

Corruption in City Hall. - Ahao Editor

FRESNADILLO UNIVERSITY, AHAO:- This reporter has the misfortune to report that the Mayor of Cincinatti, Kyle Raymond has just attempted to bribe a member of Badger News Corporation staff in order to influence our coverage of his office. Once again we at BNC Ahao would like to tell our readers our editorial control is our own. We call for an investigate into the Mayor to begin as soon as is practicable after the current crisis has been resolved.


The Mishigamaa press office has been contacted by an organisation claiming to be responsible for the “WannaBeFree” ransomware attack affecting global financial systems.

“We have hijacked the global financial system. We understand there is a conspiracy behind this ‘zombie virus’ outbreak, and that the UN is behind it. We demand that the United Nations and Federal Government step up and reveal their plans. Until they do, we will refuse to release the global financial systems from our control.”

This comes from an anonymous source who did not wish to be named.

BREAKING: Secret Lab in Bay City origin of outbreak - Mishigamaa Editor

A source wishing to be described only as “a patriot” has informed this paper that they believe the source of the outbreak across the entire nation is a secret lab situated in the Bay City area in Mishigamaa.

This information is gained by the source through interrogating captured infected persons.

If true, then is this, as suspected by some, the result of state experimentation or corporations meddling with nature in the name of profit?

BREAKING: Spokesman: “Drink bottled water” - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

A government spokesperson has instructed citizens to drink only bottled water which is being distributed by the National Guard, stating that “the virus is water-borne”


ERRATA- We would like to apologise for referring to the state of Wabash incorrectly as ‘Boyle’, as we were quoting verbatim from the President (who apparently had a ‘covfefe’ moment, bless her)

BREAKING NEWS: The city of Wabash has fallen to the ‘infectious disease’ that has been sweeping America.  The President has expressed that her thoughts are with the city, but does not see the need to declare a state of emergency just yet.

Governors of cities overrun by infection are urged to reach out to the Federal Government to request for aid.  The President made reference to cities who have previously showed resistance to federal aid, and continued that Governors and the Federal Government should be on a two-way street as the Federal Government will not be able to provide aid effectively if information is not volunteered to the Government in the first instance.

The President continued that the Government desperately needs more information to “understand the situation”, but assured this paper that the Federal Government is prepared and adequately supplied to extend aid to cities upon request.

When pressed further, the President refused to comment on the the two captured specimens.  However, from a separate conversation this paper had with FEMA, we understand FEMA is reaching out for help from corporations to aid the Government in its time of need, with regard research on the captured specimens.  The President is, however, still debating if the famed 4th July Picnic on the Gardens should still go on.

The conversation with the President and FEMA underscores the current state of turmoil within the White House, as lack of information and panic permeates through each level of the Administration.

God bless America.








Joint task force set up in Dayton - Ahao - Naomi Young

DAYTON, AHAO: In a combined effort to deal with the “Complex Situations” the police and emergency services have created a joint task force.

State of the state: Mishigamaa - Mishigamaa Editor

Quick round-up update on Mishigamaa cities.

Romero City:
– State of Emergency declared
– Mostly under control
– Joint cooperation between city, state, federal governments, and corporations
– Chief of Police under federal investigation
– Mayor running for President
– Have captured Blighted

Grand Rapids:
– Low infestation rate
– City working closely with Nutrivend
– “Undead” animals discovered and disposed of
– Recent resurgence of Blighted humans

– Reports of deaths in hospitals
– Losing corporate funding

– State of Emergency declared
– Controlled by state- and corporate-sponsored militia
– Militia seizing corporate facilities
– Civilians mostly protected
– Have captured Blighted

Bay City:
– Almost entirely overrun
– Suffering due to under funding of Police
– State officials giving weapons to militia

Reports of Zombie Horde movements nationally. - Ahao Editor

FRESNADILLO UNIVERSITY, AHAO:- BREAKING Reports are coming in of hordes of zombies moving across the nation. One group is marching on Washington DC from the direction of Charlotteville. Other reports show that Richmond is under attack and the Doyle City, Wabash has fallen to the horde.

Fresnadillo Heads complain of “Unfair Treatment” - Ahao, Susannah

The goverment of Fresnadillo has called for fairer treatment in regards to distribution of resources. State Government has stated that that only cities that have declared a state of emergency will recieve National Guard support.

Fresnadillo has also stated that refugees from other cities are still welcome to shelter in the safe haven of the west of the city.

Cincinnatti Mayor: “I’m Sick” - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

As he declared a city-wide State of Emergency, was the Mayor also declaring that he personally has become infected?

States of Emergency Declared in Cleveland and Cincinatti. - Ahao Editor

FRESNADILLO UNIVERSITY, AHAO:- States of emergency have been declared in the cities of Cleveland and Cincinatti. Advice to citizens is to shelter in place and to not contact emergency services unless in a life threatening situation.

BREAKING: State of Emergency declared across the state - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

Governor Hollman has declared a state-wide State of Emergency, after local officials did similar in Cincinnatti and Cleveland.

The Governor has already called in the National Guard to support local law enforcement in “suppressing insurgents”.

Breaking: Fresnadillo Mayor orders extrajudicial imprisonment of citizen - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

The mayor of Fresndaillo has reportedly issued an order to “capture” a citizen, in order to force them to “liase” with the CDC in Atlanta. A spokesman indicated that the order had already been carried out, demonstrating a gross violation of due process in America’s heartland.

Director of Homeland Security “Does not need warrant to act upon American Citizens” - Ahao - Naomi Young

CINCINATTI, AHAO: The Mayor of Cincinatti has told Badger that the Director of Homeland security has said he does not need a warrant to act upon American Citizens.

BREAKING: Locals fire on Federal building in Susquehannock - National Editor

It has come to our attention that local forces belonging to the Susquehannock state have opened fire on a federal building. Reports are sketchy at present but we hope to have more as soon as possible.

Is this a federal crime or the start of something far more sinister?


Is Law and Order breaking down in Fresnadillo? - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

Amid rumours that Fresnadillo’s trigger-happy Chief of Police is calling for the formation of a citizens’ militia, local Chief of Emergency Services Daniel Burkle (speaking as fire officers dealt with a blaze threatening Badger’s local headquarters) slammed the plans as “incredibly ill-advised” and said that he trusts they will not be “officially implemented”.


There has been a breakthrough in research for a cure for the zombies currently overrunning the country.

Scientists there have discovered the prescence of Pithovirus Sibericum B in one of the corpses. Research will continue.

The Mayor says that the situation is currently under control, and that Cleveland is “proud to lead the way in scientific research”.

There are rumours of other cures being developed, including Fresnadillo claming a working relationship with Neurotech to combat the outbreak.

Dayton emergency services sent medical staff to CDC - Ahao - Naomi Young

DAYTON, AHAO: The chief of emergency services advised that Medical staff have been sent to the CDC to help investigation of the infestation. He requests that all doctors and nurses report to Mercy Hospital as, while there are still beds available, it is filling up fast.

Hollman, A-hole of America - Ahao Editor


FRESNADILLO, AHAO:- The Governor of Ahao has continued to campaign for presidential office as part of the republican primary process despite the ongoing disturbances in the state. including photo opportunities and the following statement released by his deputy.

“Republicans across Ahao have been uniting behind Governor Hollman as republican presidential nominee.  Our respected colleague, the Mayor of Cincinatti, has also announced his political ambitions. I have great respect for the Mayor of Cincinatti, and am sure that he will one day make a fine presidential candidate. Given the developing events it is important that citizens across the State work together, and support the fine work that our current Governor is doing.”

This news outlet is calling for an immediate cessation of all campaigning for presidential, gubernatorial and mayoral in order to allow state and city officials to effectively deal with the crisis.


Romero City beats back hordes while Spearing declares State of Emergency! - Mishigamaa Editor

Reports are coming in from multiple sources that despite initial problems with effective deployment of police, Romero City has now been cleared of the “Alternatively Animated” hordes.

The Police Chief has eased off double shifts, but is reported to be the subject of a federal investigation alleging that he ordered the shooting of civilians. City Hall stands behind its chief of police at this time. City Hall spokes person stated “People are innocent until proven guilty”.

On Sunday there will be a local “citizens of the future” event to look forward to an optimistic future.

Why has the state abandoned smaller cities in order to protect Romero? Is this the result of corporate meddling? LexCorp has recently moved HQ to Romero, and apparently other corporations are in similar talks.

BREAKING: City of Spearing is in process of declaring a state of emergency following advice from the National Guard. Several Zs have been captured and are available for research.

White House Begs for Help from Corporations - National Editor

The National Media has learned that the White House has begged for help from major corporations as the federal government appears unable to do anything to treat the infected (definitely not “zombies” according to repeated messages from the administration despite evidence to the contrary).


The full statement from the White House to the corporations is as follows:


Ladies and Gentlemen

By now you have no.doubt heard about the virus crisis facing the country.
As a representative of Homeland Security, FEMA and the CDC we are
requesting your help. You have access to advanced research facilities that
can assist us in isolating the cause for this epidemic, I am asking you to
share them with us, in return for whatever materials is we can supply and
any commercial uses that arise from this research.

Specifically one of our agents is holding two infected in Adirondack, we
need a facility to study them and develop treatments.

Your country needs you.
— US Department of Homeland Security
Security Crisis Team
Washington, DC

Bay City office of Badger News under Zombie Siege! - National Editor

National media has learned from our own correspondents that our colleagues in Bay City are under current attack from zombies. In this time of crisis, we strongly believe that it is important to keep the press safe so that necessary information can be distributed throughout the country and worldwide. We call upon both local and federal authorities to move immediately to save our friends and colleagues or spend the rest of their lives knowing that the blood is on their hands.

Breaking: Joint Chiefs spotted at local Golf Course - National Reporter A

This reporter was unable to talk with any Pentagon Official as he was told they were relaxing on the golf course.

With so many outbreaks reported and so many people being infected, is now a good time to be relaxing!!

We were told to talk to the White House for any news we needed to know.

White House Deploys to Adirondack - National Editor

We have received the following statement from the White House:



Dear all,

The White House has received a request for assistance from Governor Tim
Duerinck of Adirondack to deploy federal armed forces to assist state
National Guard. This request has been approved. The forces will be at the
Governor’s disposal.

We have seen reports in the press that we are considering the deployment
of armed drones. This is not true. We have deployed reconnaissance drones
to better understand the situation. We are not currently considering the
deployment of armed drones.

Defence Sec

Whitehouse Unsoc


The Governor of Adirondack has requested federal troops to aid his battle against the infected population, commonly referred to as “zombies”.

Troops will be deployed under a local commander… let’s hope this is not too late to help those still unaffected by the outbreak.

Hollman – “I’m running for President” - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

FRESNADILLO, AH: Long-serving State Governor Hollman today officially announced what we’ve all suspected for a while – he’s been maneuvering to launch a bid for the Presidency.

Announcing his candidacy for the Republican nomination, the Governor unveiled his slogan; “Hollman – For The Whole of America”.

Hollman is claiming cross-party support for his centrist position, citing the Democrat Toledo Chief of Police as a backer. Speaking to me earlier from outside a hospital in the city, the Chief said he was “prepared to draw his weapon, if necessary”.

Pledging her support for the governor, Cleveland’s Mayor also announced that she would seek the gubernatorial role should he be successful in obtaining the nomination.

Press interview with the President - National Reporter A

In an exclusive interview with the President, she insisted that the widely reported outbreak of “zombies” should rather be regarded as an infectious disease, but confirmed that the cause has yet to be identified.

Trevor Cox


Situation in Fresnadillo Escalates and recovers. - Ahao Editor

FRESNADILLO, AHAO:- The Mayor of Fresnadillo, Georgia Hallstead has announced a doubling of police shifts and the has called for aid from the state police. This comes amid calls from the cities chief of police that she to call the national guard for help. Off-duty personnel and retirees have been swelling the ranks of the FPD. The Chief of Police has repeatedly called upon citizens to arm themselves in order to aid in restoring order. This approach seems to be working, with the east of the city reported by a police source as “clear and calm” and in the west a local high school secured as a safe zone. The mayor has also opened the city to citizens from other areas of the state should they require refuge.

CONFIRMED: White House has Captured Infected - National Editor

National media have learned that the federal government has been able to capture two “infected” specimens (zombies?) in Adirondack, but does not have the facilities to study them or develop treatments.

No Confidence in ‘Honest’ Jim says White House - Iliniwek Sports

A source close to the White House expressed a chronic lack of confidence in ‘Governor’ Jim Gillie tonight due to his political posturing in the face of widespread panic. For more see our updated hatchet job blog on pages 3, 4, 5, 6 9, 20 and our pullout section

Pentagon authorises military action in Mishigamaa - Mishigamaa Editor

Reports are coming in from across the state of drones spotted flying across major cities in Mishigamaa.

Anonymous sources say that these are recon flights authorised by the Pentagon

Ombie outbreak confirmed by government - Adirondack Editor

In reaction to the ban on “the Z-word” issued by the white house, the Badger News Adirondack office will as from now replace “the Z-word” by Ombie. As in their statement they speak of a “zombie outbreak” we consider this confirmed.


BREAKING NEWS- Necrotech confirms Zombies - Ouisconsin Reporter C

The leading scientists at Necrotech have identified the strain of virus causing the Infestation we now experience. They have confirmed that the virus is indeed resurrecting the dead. In oher news Max Brooks Zombie survival guide rockets in sales.

Joe Lunnon

Marquette – State of Emergency and updates - Mishigamaa Editor

Marquette – City Mayor and Chief of Emergency Services – “The government of the city of Marquette has announced today that we are taking all reasonable measures to counteract the Blight and lawlessness that has occurred in our city,
“We have the full support of the Chief of Police and Emergency Services to take these actions to improve the quality of life in the city.”
“The governor assisted me in hand-to-hand combat defending the injured in the Marquette city hospital. I successfully slaughtered a number of the ‘Alternatively Animated’ – a very successful afternoon.””Straight after, Governor Osa confirmed that she would be dropping out of the Presidential race, and support Mayor Gibson’s bid as Republican nominee”

However the Chief of Emergency Services reports of civilian casualties due to police prioritising the defence of the Mayor instead of protecting neighbourhood districts.

Head of Emergency Services flees Aurora as State of Emergency declared - Iliniwek Sports

The HoES of Aurora was seen fleeing the city at high speed moments before the mayor declared an official State of Emergency. The local Badger News office in Aurora reports that ‘zombie-like groups’ have started siegeing the building and that law and order has collapsed.

The news of the fleeing official came ironically at the same time the governors office released a statement urging people not to speed. Meanwhile the Halperin Chief of Emergency Services has stated that ‘This country has more guns than people. We’re not worried’ before shooting his pistols wildly into the air and dancing a jig.

Image result for texan simpsons



Ian Angus, the CEO of Nutrivend has delivered a statement regarding the current “Zombie Crisis.” He states:

“We have had a number of requests from state governors and mayors for a cure to the zombie outbreak.

Nutrivend is currently dedicating 100% of its resources to finding a cure for all of the states affected by this current crisis.

Our Drugs Save Lives. Nutrivend has noted that Romero City appear to be acting extremely aggressively against the afflicted. We have to remember that the afflicted are our friends and family. We must take a less aggressive approach and look to contain the afflicted and not simply try to kill them.

If there are any unfortunate casualties or victims that can be brought to our facilities please do so. We are doing everything in our power to search for a cure.

Nutrivend continues to serve the people of America.

Ian Angus
CEO, Nutrivend”

Badger News will be reporting on this as the situation develops



White House Considering Use of Drones in US Airspace - National Editor

Sources have informed national media that the White House is actively considering the use of military drones against the zombie outbreak in US airspace. This appears to suggest that the White House is willing to use military force against its own citizens.


Governor converses with White House. - Ahao Editor

FRESNADILLO, AHAO:- Reports from the governors office have been sent to us along with this image of him informing the president of the situation in the state. No word on a federal response.

Lithgow: “I’m prepared to spend money to gain votes” - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

Toledo Emergency Services Chief and candidate for GOP nomination Dale Lithgow appeared today to intimate that he was prepared to issue bribes in order to advance his political bid.

In a statement, he also dismissed earlier reports of his neglection of duty as “false news, spread by a mob from Dayton”.

BREAKING: Things are “not looking good” in Mishigamaa - National Reporter A

The Pentagon has been reported saying that things are “not looking good” in Mishigamaa.  Crises notwithstanding, the White House are still going ahead with its annual 4th of July picnic celebrations on the Gardens.




A source from inside the Toledo Government has told Badger News that previous reports of ‘civil unrest’ are in fact zombie hordes. The Chief of Police, Daniel, is refusing to confirm this, and is continuing to lie to citizens.

There is now a struggle for power, with local man, Fergus, stating that he will stand for election for Chief of Police as a “capable and honest” candidate.

Multiple reports of police chiefs using police as own personal army - Ahao - Naomi Young

FRESNODSAILLO and TOLEDO, AHAO: Multiple reports of police chiefs using the police to protect their own homes. A source told us that Fergus Hadley of Toledo is misappropriating police resources as his own private protection squad, similar reports have been heard about the police chief in Fresnadillo.

Deputy mayor “we are postponing the presidential’s campaign” - Susquehannock Reporter C

Deputy mayor has confirmed this morning that the mayor is interrupting his campaign so as to focus on the zombie outbreaks. These outbreaks have caused three people from east Yarbrough to be eaten alive already ths morning. This comes in time while he was also criticized for allegedly participating in a montage during an emergency services intervention in Yarbrough. The deputy mayor has not denied the validity of these claims, which raises the question his other picture in which appeared shooting zombies.

DHS: Please Wash Your Hands and Do Not Travel - National Reporter A

The DHS has informed national media that US citizens should wash their hands, use face masks if possible, brush their teeth, and all interstate travel should be avoided unless absolutely necessary.


We at the national media applaud the White House’s good hygiene and pearly white teeth.

The Dead Are Walking on Water - Northland Editor

Washing up on shore, the walking dead have emerged in Northland!

“You Know I’m Right” – but is the timing? - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

TOLEDO, AH:  Toledo Chief of Emergency Services took an opportunity this afternoon at a press briefing to announce his candidacy for the GOP Presidential nomination.

Running under the slogan “You Know I’m Right”, he appeared to neglect his duties in an effort to further his political career.

EXCLUSIVE: Interview with the “Alternatively Animated” - Mishigamaa Editor

One of our reporters has had an exclusive interview with a spokesman from one of the horde, claiming that the “Alternatively Animated” are misunderstood and being persecuted by the state and profited off by the corporations.

DHS Source: DHS Underfunded - National Reporter A

DHS sources have informed national media that DHS is underfunded in the face of the current crisis. While we understand that the President is considering options, it is unclear if the necessary actions will be taken.

Hero “Politician” Saves Doctor. - Ahao Editor

TOLEDO, AHAO:- A hospital in Toledo was reportedly attacked by a mob of Daytonians as part of ongoing state wide disturbances. The cities chief of emergency services and republican presidential primary candidate, Dale Lythgow, personally saved a  doctor from the site and held off the mob, and reports that the hospital is still running at capacity.

State of Emergency - Wabash Editor

State of Emergencies declared in Gary, Fort Wayne and Boyle.

No movement from the Pentagon - National Editor

When asked what the Pentagon was doing in the face of the outbreaks, a spokesman said they were in a state of heightened readiness.

When this reporter suggested they had been in a state of readiness for the past week, a spokesman said that Federal resources could not be deployed to states without the proper request from the affected state.

More as we get it.

White house tries to stifle press freedom - Ahao Editor

FRESNADILLO, AHAO:- A representative of the white house administration visited the Badger News Ahao offices today and advised us as to what language we should use whilst reporting on the current disturbances across the state and nation. We at the BNC Ahao office would like to tell our readers that we are under our own editorial control and we regard this as an attack on our first amendment rights.

Hollman holds out hands - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

FRESNADILLO, AH:  Governor Hollman was at pains today to make clear his support for the city of Cleveland and of the Fresnadillo PD.

The Governor has also opened his mansion to offer catering and support to people displaced by events in the city.


Mayor of Fresnadillo minimizes talk of unrest as situation becomes critical - Ahao - Naomi Young

FRESNADILLO, AHAO: Georgia Halstead, Mayor of Fresnadillo has launched her campaign for Democratic President amid the unrest in her City. She talked of a tough stance on the “unruly citizens”, at the same time saying that things we just a “bit unsettled”, but said extra funding had been given by the governor to help with the situation. Yet at the same time, she told a senior staff panic “Don’t Panic” as he ran out the door to handle the situation.

However it seems things are much worse than the Mayor made out, as there has been a SWAT helicopter deployed over the city, and there are reports of fierce fighting near the Fresnadillo police station and governor’s residence. The chief of police said he was “Personally involved and in close quarter combat with his officers”.

BREAKING: Ban on the ‘Z-word’ - National Editor

The White House has issued a directive to all media outlets warning them not to use ‘the Z-word’.  In the face of much uncertainty caused by the recent zombie outbreaks, this paper feels that the gag order issued by the White House is undue censorship of the free press.

New Secretary of State Sworn In - National Reporter A

The national media is glad to hear that the White House has sworn in a new Secretary of State, Adam Sibson.

In the face of a developing crisis, it is hoped that Mr. Sibson will provide the necessary leadership with our friends in the North to handle the situation in a competent manner.



National Guard mobilised in Ahao - National Editor

Reports have come in that the National Guard has been mobilised in Ahao but without any accompanying announcements of a state of emergency.

Fresnadillo Fracas - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

FRESNADILLO, AH: The Fresnadillo Chief of Police has been reported injured in a “disturbance” involving his fellow officers. According to a source on the inside, the scandal-plagued Chief was “right in the thick of it”.

UPDATE: The Chief is reportedly surrounded by “insurgents” in his house, and has called for police helicopter support.

Earlier, the Mayor said that she “fully supports” the chief’s actions in dealing with threats “on his own doorstep”.

Meanwhile, a source in the FPD expressed concernt that the Senior officer in the west of thecity is more concerned with his pay and conditions than with the developing situation.


A spokesman for the White House said they were working with their local teams to determine the strongest Republican candidates.

So far 3 candidates have put their names forward, although no further details were available at the time of printing.

Those putting their names forward include the Governor of Ohio, The Mayor of Cincinatti and the Governor of Osa.

Details of the Democratic nominees have yet to be announced.



A Homeland Security representative informed national media that there is indeed a zombie outbreak in the Eastern US despite prior statements to the contrary from other parts of the government.

Homeland Security: Everything Under Control Despite No Prior Experience With Similar Situation - National Reporter A

Homeland Security has informed national media that everything is “under control” and that they are in the process of “determining the correct response” despite not having any prior experience dealing with such a crisis.


State Governor’s office slams Cleveland and Cincinatti Mayor’s - Ahao - Naomi Young

FRESNADILLO, AHAO: The governor’s office slammed the Mayor’s of Cleveland and Cincinnati for their recent handling of the unrest in their cities.

The mayor of Cincinatti characterized it as a blatant political move, and criticized the police presence the Governor has deployed at his own residence. “There was a disturbance in Cincinatti, but police handled it in line with policy” was his response to the situation that lead to 3 people in the hospital.

The mayor of Cleveland rejected claims of mishandling and cited it as just excitement from citizens about the opening of the new donut factory.

Shortly after we received the statement from Cleveland, the Governor reversed his comments about their mismanagement and said he fully supported the Mayor of Cleveland and added they were effectively protecting their citizens.

Official Statement from Homeland Security re Reports of Zombie Outbreaks - National Reporter A


Department of Homeland Security

The President and her team are aware of the developing situation involving
an infectious disease in multiple states across the north-east region.

We are in contact with state and city officials and relevant federal
agencies including the CDC. We have full faith in them but stand ready to
assist in any way we can. We are currently considering a range of steps
which can be taken.

We would urge all citizens to report any strange activity to the relevant
local authorities. We would also urge the press not to inflame panic by
indulging in idle speculation or sensationalist gossip. White House
officials are ready and able to brief the press where appropriate.

Sec. Homeland Security.

Governor Launches Bid - Wabash Editor

In a brief interview the Wabash Governor, Fraser Schwarzenegger, has launched his presidential bid for the upcoming election. Running on a “stable & strong” Republican platform, he is confident his experience from a 2003 tour in Iraq will showcase his leadership in the current Zombie emergency. The mayors of Richmond, Terre Haute, and Fort Wayne gave no comment when asked about the bid.

Sightings of “zombies” confirmed by mayor Binghampton and Homeland security - Adirondack Political News

The mayor of Binghampton and Homeland security have both confirmed to the Badger News that there have been sightings of the so-called “zombies” [sic] in the state.

The mayor of Binghampton went on to add that they will cooperate in full with New Amsterdam in fighting this disease.


Casualty Reports from Ahao hospitals. - Ahao Editor

FRESNADILLO, AHAO:- Reports are coming in from across the state of causalities being brought to various hospitals in various cities following the recent disturbances. Current reports are:

Toledo: 2 casualties

Cleveland: 2 casualties

Fresnadillo: 6 casualties

Cincinnati: 3 casuaties

Dayton: 3 casualties.


Ahao Governor: Sport is the solution - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

FRESNADILLO, AH: The state governor today announced a new initiative to “promote an active, healthy lifestyle and take youth off the streets”. The development of a new sports stadium, to be located in Fresnadillo, will “promote excellence” and develop Ahaian Olympic champions.

Increase of police funding in Toledo - Ahao, Susannah

The local government offices in Toledo, Ahao, has announced an increase in funding for all areas of policing due to the distressing scenes reported in neighboring cities, and ‘low morale’ locally.

Chief of Police Daniel remarked that “effective policing begins with good morale, and an effective approach to discourage criminal activities”.

State Governer Micky Holeman was heard to say that he was “impressed” by the move.

“Zombie outbreak” reported in various states - National Editor

Citizens in various states have been advised to “stay home” after reports of zombies have been sighted.  States affected include Ouisconsin, Adirodack, Ahao, Mishigamaa and Powhatan.

Benjamin Gill, the Press Liaison officer for the Joint Chief of Staff, was quoted as saying, “I have every bit of confidence that the States are able to handle this on their own.”

The White House has yet to make an official press release.


White House caught flatfooted by reports of zombie outbreaks - National Reporter A

After being informed by the national media that reports were coming in from numerous local media sources of zombie outbreaks, the White House was unprepared to issue comment immediately. Hopefully they will soon be able to provide the country with national leadership.

Governor mobilising additional state troops – disease unknown - Adirondack Political News

Governor Deurinck is mobilising additional state troops to help fight the outbreak. No clear statement was received on nature of disease.

Fres-no love for citizens? - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

Chief deploys FPD to protect his own property amid civil disturbances

Fresnadillio: A source in the FPD reveals that the Chief of Police is deploying officers to protect his personal property and that of the State Governor ahead of the lives of ordinary Fresnadillians.

The impact of these actions on his future career prospects remains to be seen.

A city spokesman described the police’s actions as an “appropriate and measured response”.

Urgent News! Zombies in Dayton! - Ahao, Susannah

Riots in the outskirts of Dayton, Ahao, have been described as a ‘zombie outbreak’ by an eyewitness. He went on to describe the sight as a “shambling, biting, undead horde”.

This uprising was beaten back by Dayton’s police department, who stated the tactics used was ‘beating them on the head’.

More information will be given as it arises.

President unsure of who to support as successor – No Secretary of State despite Terrorist Threats - National Reporter A

In discussions with national media, the President stated that she was unsure who she would back as her successor in the next election, though she did state that she would of course be supporting a Republican candidate. Clearly bipartisanship is not a priority for this administration.

Interestingly, the position of Secretary of State is currently vacant and appears not to be a priority for this White House. Hopefully there will not be any international crises in the near future, despite the Joint Chiefs of Staff having been quoted regarding imminent terrorist threats.

Interstate Communications Breakdown - Parker Biro Wabash

A breakdown in interstate communications is currently disrupting Homeland Security correspondence with out of state colleagues.  Currently trying to rectify the situation. What does mean for federal support?

National Guard Mobilising - Ahao, Susannah

Reports have come in of a large scale movement of the National Guard towards to NG Headquarters outside Toledo. It is suspected that this is for a weekend of training, but this is unconfirmed.

The Commander of the National Guard has been spotted enroute to speak to to Governor.

Terrorist alert IMMINENT! - National Editor

Alex Beck, the vice-chair of the Joint Chief was quoted as saying, “America is on a high-threat level due to the chatter on the Internet regarding an imminent terrorist threat. Nothing has materialised as yet.”

Ahao Smackdown in Battle for Republican Primary - Ahao - Naomi Young

CINCINATTI and FRESNADILLO, AHAO: The Governor of Ahao has announced he intends to run in the Republican Primary. This comes hot on the heels of the Mayor of Cincinatti has announcing his own candidacy.

The Mayor of Cincinatti, Kyle Raymond, is running on a platform of “From America, For America”, advising, controversially, that he wants to raise the minimum wage in line with inflation as well as provide tax incentives to keep manufacturing at home in America.

The Governer, Mickey Holman, has held a rally announcing his candidacy with backing from the Mayors of Toledo and Cleveland. He frames himself as a family man born and raised in Ahao with many years of fighting for the people of our great state.

Finally, Dale Lythgoe Chief of Emergency services in Toledo has also announced that he will run in the race.

Disturbances in Across State! - Ahao Editor

CINNCINATTI, AHAO:- BREAKING: Police have been deployed to two locations in the city of Cinncinatti to deal with large scale disturbances. No reports of casualties and no paramedics have been deployed said the city’s chief of emergency services. Updates as they come in.

CLEVELAND, AHAO:- Casualties in Cleveland confirmed after disturbances. Confirmed reports of fires spreading across the city centre.

“Zombies” sighted! - Susquehannock Reporter A

Reports are coming in from Allentown and Scranton about so-called “zombies” being sighted in the streets. In Allentown they can’t really believe that they are zombies, “they don’t exist, right?”

Scranton is mobilising its police because of similar sightings. Police chief Oderkerk says he is taking this threat seriously, but “it is not terrorism, we have everything under control”. The emergency services have confirmed what they call “zombie-like behaviour”, people are aggressive or catatonic, so they are thinking of drug abuse.

According to Erie’s emergency services, everything is quiet, but they are prepared.


What’s Up With Wabash? - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

After reports of “zombies” come out of Wabash, this reporter has to ask – what have they been putting in the water over there?

BREAKING: State governor Tim Duerinck runs for president - Adirondack Editor

Breaking: Adirondack state governor Tim Duerinck from the Adirondack Democratic State Party runs for president!

The promotional flyer above has just been released. Duerinck’s campaigning motto is “Strenth through Unity”. After the recent typo discussions on the state’s new motto, we are glad to see that no spelling errors are present in this communication.

Furthermore, sources say that governor Duerinck has stated that he finds it quite symbolic that it is exactly the word “togheter” that has been misspelled. Is the state administration out of control? Is the governor still in control of the state’s business? To be continued…

Going Do-nuts! - Ahao, Susannah

Exciting scenes in Cleveland today at the opening of the new donut factory, Kleveland Kremes. The much anticipated facility was opened by Lucinda Quinn, Mayor of Cleveland, in front of huge crowds. The event was much publicised, with the promise of free baked goods for attendees.

However, the sweet atmophere soon turned sour and the Chief of Police ordered a SWAT team to be dispatched to control the rioting mob.



Crossing the bottom line - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

New developments in cubicle case

MANSFIELD, AHAO: Local police today confirmed that they have received “fresh leads” in the case which has been discussed at watercoolers across the county and left law enforcement scratching their heads – just who is the infamous “scat burglar” depriving municipal buildings of vital supplies?

More on the situation as it progresses.

Crypt-ic Crossword - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

This week’s puzzle is now available!

See if you can detect a theme running through this grid, courtesy of the good folks in our Ahao office.

You can play online at

or download a PDF via


If you’re in Ahao, why not stop by the Badger offices and pick up a copy in person?

Knowing Me Alan Partridge, Knowing You, Ahao! - Ahao "Wee" Ken D'edition

CENTREVILLE, AHAO: Actor Steve Coogan made an unscheduled stop in Ahao yesterday during a transcontinental flight which was grounded due to another passenger’s ill health. That’s certainly a memorable Trip!

Pig Suspected in Subway Ram-raid - Ahao - Naomi Young

WASHINGTON COUNTY, AHAO: In further updates to our last story, it now seems Millie may be facing charges of her own.

The 3 year old Gloucester Old Spot was found supine in an alley outside Main Street, with food strewn around the place. The nearby Subway had its window smashed and large quantities of stock missing.

“It was a complete pigsty when I came in this morning!” said Chuck Farnsworth as he was cleaning up the detritus, “It seems pretty obvious who the culprit is” he added.

The police have taken Millie to a nearby farm where she is being held in solitary confinement until the effects of the Marijuana wear off. They stated they have no plans to charge her, though Chad may face criminal damage charges on top of his earlier arrest.

Chad Spohn Goes On Bender After Pet Pig Eats His Marijuana - Ahao Editor

WASHINGTON COUNTY, AHAO:- So much for living high on the hog.

An Ahao man allegedly went on a bender after his pet pig ate his stash of pot.

On Thursday, deputies in Washington County, Ahao arrested Chad Spohn, 44, on disorderly conduct charges that started after he discovered Millie, his beloved pet, had gobbled up his marijuana.

Deputies arrived at Spohn’s house after he called 911 several times and said he was having suicidal thoughts. During one call, he said he was holding a butcher’s knife to his own throat, according to the police report.

Spohn’s wife, Heather, told officers that her husband was already depressed because of their pending divorce before discovering the pig got into his cannabis.. She said he then downed an entire bottle of Everclear , a strong alcohol.

HIs wife told officers that Spohn gets very upset when he does not have any mariuana.

In order to arrest him, officers subdued Spohn with a Taser. He was charged with disorderly conduct by intoxication and resisting arrest, both misdemeanors, and later released.

Spohn is out of custody, but Millie may not be in his life much longer, according to a Facebook post dated Jun. 27, two days before his arrest.

“Anyone want a pig? She is free and comes with food and cage,” he wrote. “She is house broken as long as you show her where to go. If you have a dog, she will follow it. I just dont have time for her anymore.”

Ahao man surprised to catch 50-inch muskie - Ahao Editor


CENTERVILLE, Ahao (WCMH) – An Ahio man shared pictures of a 50-inch muskellunge caught over the weekend at Caesar Creek State Park.

“I got a really bit muskie on, biggest one I ever laid my eyes on,” said Cole Menker as he tried to bring the giant fish into his boat. “I haven’t caught a lot of muskie in my life, he looks like he’s a high 40s.”

Menker and his brother were fishing for saugeye with eight-pound test line when he caught the giant fish.

He posted a picture of himself holding the estimated 50-inch fish after he managed to reel it in.

“Moms Birthday today! She must have threw one down from heaven,” Menker said in the post.

Menker released the fish after taking pictures.

Bill’s Donuts receives honor from People Magazine - Ahao Editor


CENTERVILLE, Ahao:–  Just a short drive from Columbus, there is a Dayton area doughnut shop that’s getting national attention.

Bill’s Donut Shop was featured Monday in People Magazine for its famous doughnuts.

The magazine gave the store the “Reasons to Love America” honor.

All of the donuts are made by hand in the Centerville store and it is open 24 hours a day seven days a week.